Blooms & Barbs | What's Your Category?

BLOOMS & BARBS

By TIDO CHURCHILL

PHONYX, Ariz., Oct. 7 -- Auditing on a "money-back guarantee" was outlined as a possibility to a group of assembled auditors tonight by L. Ron Hubbard as part of a series of lectures he's making on "How to Act Like a Minister".

The guarantee, he said, would become effective if -- after a 20-hour intensive -- the preclear's somatic or problem is not alleviated. Although he did not specifically, in so many words, refer to a $500 fee for said intensive being refunded, the inference seemed plain. This would be specified in a written contract, with the preclear's problem (which he referred to as a somatic) being specifically described. The agreement would be that if the problem-somatic is not alleviated in the course of a 20-hour intensive, (or 25 hours on a rough case that complains) and does not stay alleviated for one year, the money is refunded.

Indeed, they will insist on refunding it. Under no circumstances will the pre-clear be permitted to wheedle an auditor into an additional 15 hours or so, even though that extra time might resolve the case. About eight cases out of 100 will be "refund cases", and this will demonstrate that this is a bona fide deal.

Ron then went over, in exhaustive detail, the procedure to be used on these $500 intensives, to be given under the auspices (ostensibly) of the Church of Scientology of Phoenix.

The procedure: Two-way communication: get the p-c to describe his problem. If there is no communication lag, exteriorize him and do a routine Route I, plus having him fix up any somatics. If there is a communication lag., do Route II, 15 hours of Opening Procedure 8-C and five hours of Opening Procedure by Duplication -- that's all! If he is not over his somatic, you reluctantly do four or five hours of Problems, a new version. It goes like this: How many problems can you be to you? Continue until he can invent a multitude of problems. This resolves the "scarcity of problems", and lets the preclear let go of his cherished backache.

Once, briefly, Ron said all cases will yield to Standard Procedure except neurotics and psychotics. I gather that the screening will be careful.

The week before, when Ron addressed the group, he spoke of a guarantee to be backed up by a $5,000 insurance policy to be taken out by pre-clears at the beginning of the first session -- if they don't get results, or if the results don't last, they collect on the $5,000 policy. Ron said the insurance "deal" may be "about three months in arranging".

Ron told the assembled auditors that group processing was proving valueless -- both from the standpoint of help to the audience and in revenue. Those helped weren't bad off to begin with, he said, and when these get past whatever may be bothering them at the moment, they go on their way -- and that's that. Future attention will be directed toward individual processing, although some group processing will continue at the Church on East Roosevelt. However, only two sessions will be free, and anyone wanting more processing will be expected to contrib-

What's Your Category?

A gradient scale of excommunication, termed by its framers, the C.E.C.S., a "List of Categories for Auditors" -- both active and non-active -- recently was issued with calefying results. The list follows:

1. Suspended. Not published.

2. Suspended. Published.

3. Revoked for review. Not published.

4. Revoked for review. Published.

5. Revoked. Final. Rehabilitatable. Published.

6. Revoked. Not to be recertified with any certificate or membership. Published.

7. Revoked. Not to be recertified. Not to be processed.

8. Trained. Not certified.

9. Not trained. May be trained under proper circumstances.

10. Not trained. May not be trained or certified.