Globicides

Globicides

CAFE OPERATORS PLEASE NOTE: The price of coffee has taken three successive drops in the last few weeks! This follows the statement by investigators that the upward spiral in the cost of the bean was dictated by gambling and not by a crop freeze.

The Perkins, Okla., JOURNAL obtained the deed for some original Indian land, and now is offering title to two-inch squares for sale (with a year's subscription thrown in). The ABERREE throws in a lot of dirt with each subscription, too.

On Aug. 26, 1904, the nation's first "speeder" got five days in jail for driving 20 miles an hour. Since then, although billions are spent to make cars and roads safe, trapping drivers who exceed a wide variety of arbitraries set up by motion-shy legislative bodies has become the No. 1 U. S. "racket". If you move, you may be speeding, and subject to a fine. If you don't move, a traffic meter will get you.

A Colorado doctor has discovered that Scotch tape, in 95 percent of his laceration cases, is as good or better than surgical stitches. So, don't abandon the mock-up just because it lost its head; get it taped back on.

An Indian, Chief Frank Buckshot Standing Horse of Sapulpa, Okla., had to make a door-to-door canvass of his boyhood home in Bono, Ohio, to prove his birth. He needed a birth certificate before the Uncle who took his land away from his ancestors would grant him permission to cross into Mexico and continue his missionary work.

The Air Force turned down a former convict when he tried to enlist, so he donned a colonel's uniform, obtained forged papers, and was doing right well at Williams AFB out in Arizona until he was challenged. He had the brass for a colonel, but his youth and apparent intelligence, gave him away.

An engineer, contending that a blanket held above his head would act as a rudder and keep his feet down, jumped 160 feet from the Triborough Bridge in New York into East River. He proved his point, and escaped unhurt, but since the feat didn't meet the cops' acceptance level, they jugged him for a mental overhauling.

Japanese farmers have filed a $360 claim against the U.S. for melons paratroopers destroyed and/or ate when they landed en masse in the fields. The army is indignant, and insist the bill shouldn't be more than $36.

"Darn that guy Dior!"