Globicides

Globicides

The "freedom" Cpl. Claude Batchelor came back to after his release by his Red captors in Korea was short lived. Tried by an Army court martial on charges of collaborating with the Chinese who'd taken him prisoner, he was found "guilty" on five of six counts, and sentenced to life imprisonment. His trial was marked by the severe beatings given prospective defense witnesses.

A special committee of six senators found Joe (not Stalin) McCarthy censurable on two of a long series of counts, and not entirely innocent on others. But not until after the Nov. 2 general election will the public find out what the Senate's going to do about it.

A Cambridge professor says a study of magnetic fields in rock formations leads him to believe the North Pole was in Arizona 600 million years ago. What a difference a few years can makes eh, Professor? or have you been in Arizona recently?

Freezing for mangled portions of a body instead of "shock-producing anesthetics", was urged before an Oklahoma City convention of surgeons by a Texas physician. "Take care of the patient first and the injury after the patient's safe," the Doctor suggested.

The "Big Brass" and the VIP's droned on and on, extolling the virtues of the 45th Division at special ceremonies before an Oklahoma State Fair crowd -- while the GI's stood stiffly at attention.

Finally, a former enlisted man, who remembered his days of silent suffering, blasted out a series of nasty "Boo-o-o-s" from the grandstand. The crowd laughed -- and the man who'd exercised his own freedom of speech was arrested for "disturbing the peace".

Chemists, in their 126th Annual meeting, think they may have the key to immortality -- it's the amount of hexosamine (a constituent of mucopolysaccharides) in comparison to collagen in the body. You could die of "senile osteoporosis" before you "dig that chatter".

Flying saucers that "shot across the sky" at midnight and terrorized the Sand Springs, Okla., area proved to be only two prank-playing boys, a flashlight, a sheet, and a few thousand imaginations.

Efforts in Fort Dodge, Iowa, to bar janitors who can read from a union because "they might read confidential information left on executives' desks" drew a veto from the National Labor Relations Board.

Three Arkansas men have formed a corporation -- called the Planet Mars Development Corp. -- to subdivide and sell land if and when that planet is reached. In the ABERREE last month, our Martian correspondent said: "kyst b yg k lm zx't, exerp. tg. mnyt plxmvhy stkr plzth."

A New Orleans cancer "authority" -- one of the first to blame cigarets for cancer -- isn't going to give up. He told an Oklahoma City medical meeting that filters in cigarets are good for only one thing -- to sell more cigarets.

It took 20 U.S. military officers 20 days to burn 35 million dollars in obsolete military money in an incinerator recently. But they'll learn: two officers in the Pentagon can "burn up" 10 times that in real money in 20 seconds.

When a Tulsa suburbanite filled his tank truck with water from a fire hydrant, Tulsa filed suit for 45 cents, and the court fined him $28.05 and costs.